Why I Got Sober (for entrepreneurs)

Alright, today is a special episode. So this is going to be a video on YouTube, but also on the podcast. So if you're listening to this, you're probably on my YouTube or you are on the My First Million podcast. If you're on my YouTube, then you probably don't know me. But basically my name's Sam Parr. I'm most popular because I started this company called The Hustle and I recently just sold it to HubSpot. It was a really big deal for me and my family and it was a pretty good exit. It was a popular media company that I sold, so millions of people read us each day and know who we are. And I guess you can kind of say I'm a successful entrepreneur. I mean, a lot of people would say that. There's people that are way more successful, obviously, but that's what I'm known for. But I'm also the host of a podcast that my company owned, and it's one of the top 10 business podcasts. And we talk about cool ideas and where we brainstorm different ideas, and we have a lot of famous guests on, and it's really cool. Podcast. It's called My First Million. We just brainstorm. I mean, it's to simplify it, but today I'm talking about something kind of strange, something kind of different. So I've been sober for about 7 or 8, I think 7 years this July. And I stopped drinking when I was 23 or 24. I'm about 30 now. I'm 30 now, 31. And It's kind of weird to talk about this on a business podcast or on a business channel, but a lot of people who are focused on business or who are focused on high achievers or achieving, they have a lot of the same things that I have, which is I love to go all in on stuff. I get obsessed about things. I can get addicted to things very easily, and those attributes are also what can be part of being an alcoholic and having substance addictions. And I had that and I overcame it and I wanted to talk about that. And interestingly, what made me addicted to alcohol is actually what has made me a pretty successful entrepreneur and fairly successful at a lot of different things I do in life. So I've got some notes here, so you might see me look at my notes every once in a while, but I've got a large Twitter following and I tweeted out to them that I was going to do this and I got hundreds of messages So, uh, with people asking questions, so I'm gonna try and go through all of the questions that people answered. But I wanna do today is I want to explain to you, um, how I got addicted and what that was like, but then also how I fixed it. And then 6 or 7 things that I learned and how my life changed and what I noticed about being sober after, uh, having an alcohol problem. Um, so let's just start and get into it. But before I do, I do wanna say, None of this is advice. So maybe I'll say things in a sort of way where it sounds like I'm giving advice, but it's really just maybe my phrasing. But I do wanna say right now, I'm not giving advice. Also, I've studied this a little bit from a science perspective, but not nearly enough that I should be considered an authoritative figure on anything related to addiction, on chemical imbalance, on depression, on anxiety, trauma. I'm not an expert. Again, I might phrase some things like saying like, well, I felt this way because of X, Y, and Z, This is really all my opinion. That's it. So I also don't think that you should give up drinking necessarily. I don't know who you are. I think for a lot of people, drinking can be great. It can make your life better actually. But for people like me, it made it horrible and my life is way better now. And if you're struggling with that, then this video will help you. But again, I'm not judging you. I'm not telling you I think you should do this and don't even think that what I'm saying is our facts other than it's how I live my life. So I just wanted to say that because, uh, it's important that you don't put too much emphasis on this. Cause I know you see this guy on YouTube or you hear me in your earphones. And for some reason you think that I have authority on this. I don't. So I started drinking when I was about 16. I grew up in Missouri and I think it's part of like Midwestern America. I would say it's part of a lot of America, but particularly in Midwest America, there's not too much to do and you just go to parties when you're in high school and you start drinking. But I grew up in like a kind of a working class, normal family, middle class family. And drinking is part of the culture. You know, you're— you go to the bars on the weekends like with your family and it's— you go to soccer games and sports games and there's alcohol. And as I grew up, you go to parties when you're 16, 17, 18 and you drink and it's just very normal. You know, like when we were younger, like fitness really wasn't a thing. Eating healthy wasn't really a thing. So you just drink a lot. And that was just kind of normal. And I didn't really think anything of it. But as a young kid, very early on, I realized that I love to go all in on stuff. So like, if I could get my hand on a pack of cookies, I would eat the whole thing, even if it made me sick. If I got into running, which I did, I would run constantly. So I eventually went to— I got a scholarship, a track and field scholarship to D1 because I love to run. I love to work out. I love to eat. I would never leave my plate, uh, with food on it. I just love doing everything to the extreme. Um, if I was going to, um, well, you get the idea. I just like doing everything to the extreme. And I think I drank a bit in high school because I was really uncomfortable with myself. I think a lot of people are in high school. You're uncomfortable with yourself. And I kind of became a little bit of a bully. I would bully people around a little bit, but I never really fit in and I was awkward and I would drink to fit in. And then I would also drink because I loved going all in on stuff. So if I tasted it, I wanted to go all in and I wanted to go be extreme and I wanted to be a tough guy so I could drink a lot and still drive and, or still keep going and have one more. It kind of became a competition and whatever, you know, it was a relatively normal high school, but then I went to college and when I went to college I got into a serious relationship and after about 2 years it went south. And I quit my sport. So I was a very competitive athlete. I was in wonderful shape, but I quit my sport and I was depressed. I basically kind of had like PTSD and I kind of went through trauma. And I think I had some stuff from my childhood that I still couldn't figure out why I was angry about, which we could talk about another time. But I used alcohol as a drug. And so, you know, at first, in college, it was pretty normal. I would go out Thursday, or maybe I went out at first like Friday and then Saturday, and you're like hungover Saturday morning and you're hungover Sunday. And on Friday and Saturday, you stay up all night partying and you eat at 3:00 AM and just do all the normal college stuff. But then I would party on a Thursday and then maybe on a Tuesday. And then I broke up with that girl and I got basically traumatized and I started to drink to cover up the pain that I felt. And it was a combination of I felt pain from some stuff as a kid. I felt pain because I was uncomfortable with myself because I wasn't very confident because I was overcompensating. But then also I had experienced trauma and I was trying to cover that up and numb that pain and I didn't want to face it. And I didn't know how to face it. I didn't even have the vocabulary. You know, growing up in the Midwest, like you don't, you don't really talk about your feelings that much. And I didn't have the the tools to handle that. And I went to drinking. It made me numb and I loved it, to be honest. Um, it felt like I was a rock star. I could party all night and I woke up all haggard feeling horrible, but for some reason I loved it. And I eventually quit my sport. Um, I didn't drop out of school, but I didn't go. I left all my friends. I moved to an apartment by myself where I didn't know anyone in this little house in a bad neighborhood. And I would drink with my neighbors. And so my junior and senior year, I was basically intoxicated 24 hours a day, practically for like 3 years maybe. And every day I would, um, get up, have a hangover from the night before. And I don't know if it's because my body was just bad at metabolizing the sugar, but I hangovers, like I would get really, really bad. And so I would roll outta bed and I would always go to sleep with like 3 Miller Lite next to my bed and I would roll outta bed and I would drink a, a couple, about 2 or 3 right before I even put my foot on the floor. And then I would get up, take a shower while I'm in the shower, have one. And then just throughout the day I would basically have like a case, like a, like a 24 or 30 rack. And it wasn't good. I did that for 2 or 3 years and then I was basically drunk during school and I was pretty smart, but I'd gotten straight A's up until that point, so I could get bad grades and still do okay. And my school wasn't that hard, but I got by. But basically, I don't remember a lot of the second half of college. I— it was not good. And I would go to the bars by myself. I didn't have friends. I completely alienated myself. I would see my friends sometimes, but I would go to the bars by myself. I would meet people. I would— it was crazy. I would get in fights. I loved to fight and I would sleep outside a lot. You know, many times I woke up at the crack of dawn when the sun was coming up and I was like, oh my God, I'm sitting on a park bench. Where am I? I mean, I was crazy. I was out of it. I was mentally ill and I was a complete addict and it sucked, but I loved it. It felt like an adventure. I felt like a rock star. I previously was like pretty shredded when I was an athlete. Now I had like a beer belly and my body hurt me. I always had scrapes on my knees and on my elbows from falling. At that point, I actually have a fake tooth. I had already had a fake tooth when I was a kid, but at one point, like, my fake tooth fell out and I looked— I just looked like a bum. I mean, it was— it was not good. I would— I got arrested a couple of times. I spent collectively maybe a week in jail. I got arrested 3 different times. I went to court a few times and won, and a couple of times didn't win. And I got DUIs. And even after my DUI, I would still drink and drive. And I basically planned my whole life around drinking. I couldn't plan anything Saturday morning because I knew I was going to be screwed up Friday. I eventually started a hot dog stand. A lot of people who follow my entrepreneurial career, the joke is, is that I started a hot dog stand. It made a lot of money. The reason I started a hot dog stand was because I could get there at like noon so I could wake up at 11. Roll out of bed, go outside, and I could have a red Solo cup in my hand and it wouldn't be considered that weird to be drinking on the job while making money. Then I would go like pass out a little bit after like the noon to like 3 o'clock crowd. And then I would go out to the bars and put my car outside the bars and I could still drink then and I could be around drunk people and I wouldn't have to go home until 3:00 AM. And that's how I made a living. I started this hot dog stand while I was in school and I basically did it because I didn't have a lot of money and I wanted to start a business where I could drink. It was not good. Um, but again, I kind of loved it. Uh, the things I hated was I hated waking up and knowing I did something bad the night before based off of how hard my knees were. Like if my knees hurt me, then I know, oh, I fell all over the place. And if I was falling all over the place, I probably got in a fight. Like was my jaw sore? Like, are my fists like, it was, It was crazy. I'm a nice guy now, but back then I was in— I just had demons and I was drinking to cover up the pain that I felt from the stuff that happened when I was younger and that breakup. And it wasn't good. And my senior year, I was 21. I think some of these years might be a little funky, but I was sitting just piss drunk. I was wasted and I saw this video. Fix my mic. I saw this video, um, on YouTube. It was, I think, Noel Gallagher, the lead singer of Oasis, and he was singing like Don't Look Back in Anger. And this sounds so cheesy, but he was playing this song and it was just him playing on the guitar, and there was something like 300,000 people in the crowd. And I guess I got emotional. I started crying because this guy was playing this guitar. I don't think there was any other instruments, just him. And he was barely strumming his guitar and he was barely singing into the mic. And 300,000 people were screaming back at him and the lights were blaring and the bass sounded amazing once the drums eventually came in. And I thought, holy shit, this is one human being who is exerting a very small amount of energy. But because he is leveraging his energy effectively, it is creating the, you know, the input is a little bit of energy. The output is this huge world-changing energy. You know, if he just impacted these 300,000 people in the crowd, think of all the other people who love his music and it makes them feel good about themselves. And I thought, that's amazing. I love how he's able to do that. I can do that too. I am talented enough to do that. I know I can do that. I have the it factor. I can pull that off., but I can't do it when I'm a fucking piss-drunk bum. That's what I was at the time. I was a bum. I was basically— it felt like I was homeless practically. I had a home, but like I was a derelict. I mean, I was, I was, I was like the zombies you see on the street. That's kind of how I felt. You know, I would steal from the grocery store sometimes. I didn't have enough money all the time. My parents, by the way, they would have supported me, but they didn't know what I was going through. And I never in a million years would have told them. But I was a derelict and I thought, if this guy can do this, I can do this. I have to get my shit together. And so I tried to get help. I went to my university and I said, I'm having massive problems. I feel horrible. I feel sick. I'm blacking out. I'm passing out. And even when I wasn't drinking, if I woke up, I would like fall over. My hands were shaking all the time, my blood pressure. So they tested my— I go, I Guys, I'm an alcoholic. I'm— I've been drunk for like 2 years now. I need help. And so what they did was they tested my blood pressure and they're like, you need to go to the hospital right now. Forget what it was, maybe like a 180 or 190 over like 110, which is like, it's bad. And I went to the hospital and they're like, yeah, you got to quit. You're going to die. They looked at What do you, when you drink, is it your liver or your kidneys that has spots on it? And they looked at it and they're like, they're like, it's manageable now. If you quit, you'll be fine. But like, we're seeing a clear pattern here that if you live this lifestyle for long, like it's, it's not gonna go well. And so I quit and I did that for a few months, but it felt horrible. I felt so sick. And so I dropped outta school and I moved to San Francisco and I did that because when I wasn't drinking, I cold emailed these guys called Air Bed and Breakfast. And I said, I love your company. And this was in 2012, I think. I love your company. I think you can improve it by doing X, Y, and Z. Can I please work for you? I cold emailed the founder. That company now is called Airbnb, by the way. And he forwarded me to someone else, or I forget how it worked out, but I emailed the founder and they go, hey, just come to the office on Monday. You live in San Francisco, right? And I go, yeah, I live there, I live there. And he goes, all right, great. See you Monday. So I flew out there. Got the interview, talked to them, got the job like pretty quick right away. Went back home, finally told them, um, still a college student, but like I'm done. So I dropped out, moved, uh, moved all my stuff and then, um, basically sold. I didn't have anything and went out to San Francisco and I arrived in San Francisco. This all happened in a matter of 3 weeks. And prior to starting, like literally on Monday, I was supposed to start on like a Saturday or Sunday. They said, We're taking back your offer. You lied to us. You said you didn't have a misdemeanor or any criminal record, and you do. You got DUIs, you got fighting on your record, you got all types of stuff. And at the time, I was actually on trial for one of my cases. And so I thought I wasn't lying and I lied. Um, I guess they thought it was lying. I thought like maybe it's not considered lying. Regardless, I was in the wrong and they took back my offer. So here I am out in San Francisco. Completely screwed. And I meet a guy and I ended up partnering with him and starting a business. But while I'm doing this, I'm like, fuck it, I'm too depressed. I'm, I'm drinking again. So I relapsed. I was only sober at that point for 2 or 3 months. And in San Francisco it was awesome because I was on my own. I didn't have a lot of money, but I could go to the— we had— I don't think we had Whole Foods where I lived in Nashville. This was back in college, but in San Francisco I had a Whole Foods by my house and I had, um, you don't have to drive. So I remember I was so screwed up that I was like, well, if I get a bike, then I could bike to the bars and not drive anymore. So I won't get DUIs, I won't get arrested, but maybe I'll get a bike with an engine in it. So I want the pedal cuz it's really hard to pedal when you're drunk. Like this is like, I planned my whole life around alcohol and I would go to the Whole Foods and I would eat a slice of pizza while I'm shopping around and I would just leave the cart and bounce. And that was like how I would feed myself. Or I would like steal, not steal, but like get on the bus without paying. And I would play these games at bars that would like trick girls into buying me a drink. I'd be like, hey, I bet you I can make you answer yes to any question I ask you. And I would like have this little trick. It was messed up. Um, and I was again horrible. I was drunk again. I was drunk all the time. Eventually I just, I had enough. I was like, I'm gonna die. This is horrible. I feel horrible. I met this guy named Joe Garvey. I haven't talked to Joe Garvey in a few years. Hopefully he sees this. But he was like tall and good-looking and I was just pissed drunk and he let me do some part-time work for him running these like scavenger hunts for like corporate companies, which is fucking horrible because like I was when I say scavenger, it's like off— it was like corporate training. And, uh, like you basically— or not corporate training, but like team building events. So like some company like Salesforce or something will send like 50 people and we have 'em do the scavenger hunt throughout the city and it ends at a bar and I would just get wasted with 'em. And so again, this is like a hot dog business. I can be drunk while doing it and still functioning. But I met Joe and I was like, Joe, here, have a drink after like 3 months meeting. He goes, oh no, I don't drink. And I was like, Huh? He goes, yeah, I gave it up. I had a problem. I went to, I go to AA and I gave it up. And that was the first time in my life that I'd met someone who was like good looking and cool and who I admired and was hip and would still go out to bars and he didn't drink. And I thought, that's amazing. You, and also you just admitted to me that you go to AA. How bold of you. You know, like you have a problem. I thought only like AA and Alcoholics, like people who talk about that, that was on movies. That was like, you know, for like, you know, rock stars who like get in car crashes or who OD, you know, like Amy Winehouse. That's what rehab's for. AA is for, like, not guys like you and me. I mean, of course, that's exactly what it's for. But he was cool. He was the life of the party. Girls liked him. He was sober and he inspired me so much. And so one day I go, fuck, I got to get my shit together. So I— and it was hard because like I was fat, but I was making a little bit of money because I was just talented at that. But like, my body hurt me all the time. I was bloated, but I got girls. Like, girls liked me. I mean, lame girls, but like, you know, a girl who would be around a stupid, basically frat bro type of dude. But I felt like a rock star. But I woke up every morning and I regretted what I did the night before, and I was ashamed of myself. And I felt like I'm going to die soon and I'm going to die for nothing. I'm basically when you walk through home, uh, San Francisco and you see these guys on the street, I was like, I'm closer to them than I am. So for those who are listening, I'm pointing to my wall of inspiration. I've got these like really interesting, inspiring people on my wall. I felt closer to a homeless guy on the street than I did one of these guys on my inspiration wall. And so eventually I didn't have any, uh, much money. Um, and so I Googled like San Francisco mental health clinic or something, and I went in off the street. I got an appointment and, and like I was doing well enough that I had an iPhone and I had like AirPods or not AirPods, but like iPhone headphones. And I walked into this place and I was fucked up when I walked in. And these people, I was the youngest one there probably. I mean, look at me. If you look at me, I look like a kind of a well-to-do white dude with like white teeth and like combed hair. I stuck out like a sore thumb, but I was the same as these people. We were both, we were all zombies. But I had like AirPods or iPhone headphones in and I was like, I am so out of place. Like, this is wild that like I look at— I look how I look, but I'm like with these like crazy people and they serve quarter coffee for a quarter and like they're talking to themselves and I'm like, I'm in the same category as this. I'm fucked up. That's wild. I can't believe I let this happen. And so I meet this woman named Jocelyn, Dr. Porquez, who I still go to to this day. And I said, I'm a drunk, I need to get sober. So she gave me some antidepressants and she helped me wean off. And I didn't wean off, I basically locked myself in a room and she kind of, I would just let her know what was going on. And it worked. It worked really well for some reason. I don't know why this particular time it pulled, I pulled it off. And I just, it was basically, I was like, if I do this, I survive. If I don't do this, I'm I may not die today, but I might as well be dead. I'm just a zombie who can't function. And it worked. I went to— so basically I just went to a mental health clinic on Harrison and Third in San Francisco. And Jocelyn, who I, you know, I said I still see, it worked out well. And now this is like 8 years later. So like, it's like a lot of people listening are like, oh man, I was a drunk for 20 years. So like, and I got sober. So I look, I wasn't, I guess it doesn't matter. Like we're not, like I said, it doesn't need to be a pissing contest, but like, yeah, I was basically fucked up for 3 years pretty bad and I got out. So it's like no big deal, right? 3 years I was able to get by. But, um, you know, there was a period of time that alcohol controlled my life. It, it abs— I did everything was revolving around it. And I got sober and like the first 2 weeks was so hard. I just had to lock myself in the room and I don't— I think there's something like maybe there's some reason why like certain races or ethnicities struggle with alcohol, but I think there's something in there that like there's definitely like there's 2 parts of this. So there's like the trauma and the you're depressed and you're— you saw something crazy when you were younger, something that like makes you want to like abuse substances. But then on the other side, at least with alcohol, I always felt like there was like a thing where like my body didn't metabolize it in a wonderful way. So I was addicted very easily and it would make me sick. It would make me really sick. And if I didn't continue drinking, I would— I would felt horrible. And I felt like that for weeks. And eventually I got addicted to like sugar and carbs. Like right when I got off, I would just eat horribly. And I told my doctor and she goes, you know what, just, just do it, man. Like, if it makes you feel better, who cares if you're if you're eating sugar and we'll handle that later, you know, just use this as a coping mechanism. So I did. So I got a little chubby, I got even chubbier and I would eat cakes and M&Ms and that's all I would eat is just like M&Ms. I remember peanut M&Ms like all day, every day. That's all I would eat. And pizza. And, and I think that like, because when I quit alcohol, I was craving the, the sugar, you know, when you drink alcohol, you're consuming a lot of sugar and I was craving that like crazy, but I did it.. And so now I definitely am still addicted to that. I am able to kind of stay away and I drink a lot of stuff like this. This is called a Zevia. It's like a calorie-free Whole Foods soda. I drink a ton of carbonated beverages though. I drink tons of carbonated water, tons of Diet Coke. I don't do Diet Coke anymore. I'm trying to do like Zevia or Topo Chico or, but I love Um, like usually the way that habits work typically is you don't really get rid of a habit without replacing it with another habit. And that's what I did. I replaced it with candy and now I'm replacing the candy with, uh, Topo Chico with, uh, I drink a ton of non-alcoholic beer, lots of it. But, uh, so that's where I am now. And so what I've learned, it's a bunch of stuff. So if you're struggling, I'm gonna talk to you like about what I learned and maybe this will make your life a little bit easier, but. So like when I got off booze, like it took like 6 weeks, maybe longer, 3 months. But I put— it's like I, it's like I had bad eyesight for a long time and I finally put glasses on because when I was on alcohol, like imagine telling a deaf person what, um, what like a certain sound sounds like, or a blind person what like a mountain looks like and the beauty of seeing a mountain. It's really hard. And when I was on alcohol, when people were like, just Don't do it. Just go to this party and don't drink. And I'm like, I don't, that doesn't even, I can't even fathom that thought. And what, so like the game, the inner game that I have now and how I feel now, I couldn't even imagine, like it wasn't even my vocabulary. I didn't even know it was possible before I got sober. But, um, so here's a few things that I learned. The first is that getting sober, again, this is all about me. Don't criticize me in the comments about, well, it's not actually true. I don't care. That's your experience. I'm gonna talk about my experience. So the first thing is it's, this was a choice that I made and it is all about inner game. And I quit drinking in my early 20s when I was single. I'm hap— very, very, very happily married right now, which I'll talk about in a little bit. But what, just like anyone who's in their 20s, male or female, probably, what do you care about most? Hooking up. I cared about meeting people and going on dates. That was my thing. And the idea of like meeting a girl sober, like what? Not a chance. What are you crazy? That doesn't, that's not how it works. You gotta get loaded and then go do your thing. And well, um, so like my life was around girls and, um, what I realized though, the first big thing is giving up alcohol. It was all about changing my inner game. And what's cool, particularly for men, I can't speak for women, but for, for men, the more that men work on themselves and make themselves better, the more interesting they become to other people and the more other people like them or are attracted to them. And so it was great. I'm like, wow, I can be incredibly selfish about myself. Meaning, um, I can work on myself and that will actually, if I work on myself, and focus on me and quit boozing and get fit and find interesting hobbies that attracts more people to me, both men and women, friends and, and girls. Um, and that inner game basically meant I'm not gonna, I'm gonna care less about other people's opinion. And yet it made people like me more. So I do it, I did it all for me. And in return, it kind of actually helped all my external journal once. The second thing is that it was actually really important to me to talk about it incredibly openly. So I would say I'm a little nervous doing this because I'm talking to like, you know, we have like hundreds and thousands of, and sometimes millions of people listening to our podcast. So I'm kind of telling this story about being a fool and I'm probably going to post kind of shirtless pics of myself looking like an idiot. And my family's going to hear this. So like, I'm a little embarrassed about that, but on a one-on-one conversation, I'm not ashamed of this at all. I'm upset that I behaved how I used to behave. And when I meet people from my past life, I'm like, I'll apologize. I'll be like, hey, I was a wreck then. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, but I'm not embarrassed to discuss this, not even a little bit. And the reason why is I used to think that, well, if I tell people this, they're going to think I'm a freak. Then I was like, yeah, maybe they will think I'm a freak, but you know what? Freaks are kind of cool. And also when I tell people I don't drink, I used to make one of them hobbies like, oh, I just, I gotta work out tomorrow or I have an early morning then. And no, I actually say, oh no, I don't, I don't drink. And some, and then if they say, why not? I'll say, oh, I'm, I'm an alcoholic. And it does two things. One, it's, they, they won't pressure me ever again. They're not gonna pressure me at all. And if they do, fuck 'em. I don't ever, those guys are dead to me. They're outta my life. I don't— it's like a good, uh, it's like a good way to get losers out of your life. But two, um, it shows them I'm really comfortable about discussing this. And one of the big fears of giving up drinking is you don't want the people around you to be uncomfortable, which I'm going to talk about in a minute about how I drink non-alcoholic beer or I'll drink a Sprite with a lime at a bar to make people feel— I want people around me to feel comfortable, people I care about. I don't want them to think that they can't drink around me or that they they'll feel uncomfortable. And so I love openly discussing this if they ask me because it makes them feel, oh, I'm really, this is like a thing we can discuss. This is just a fact. Like this is a part of me, just like I like to exercise. Um, I work in business, I have a podcast, I don't drink. Like it's just a fact and I can bring that up. Um, third, booze makes your body fucked up. It is crazy. I mean, you know, what's kind of funny is like, We accept in this order in society: alcohol, cigarettes, weed. Um, in reality, that should be swapped. I think we should accept weed first, then cigarettes or nicotine, and then alcohol. Uh, alcohol, man, that thing, that messes with my body. It— I felt horribly bloated. My joint— I was only 23. I felt like I was 40. You know, I would make that noise when I sat down or like when you're trying to stand up. I felt horrible. I was so bloated. If you look at old pictures of me, which we're going to show up on this video, I looked like if you pop me with a needle, I would explode. It was just horrible. It made my— it gives you brain fog. You can't feel stuff like certain emotions. It just was horrible on my body. It turns you— I was a talking monkey, you know. It's just gross. And I actually don't think all vices are bad. You know, I think that humans were built to want escape every once in a while, like smoking weed, which I don't— I don't do any drugs, I don't do anything, but like, I wish I did. But like, I think smoking weed is probably good for you sometimes. I think drinking for a lot of people can actually be great for them. It could bring them with their friends, and it's good to escape sometimes. But drinking too much alcohol, it's just the worst, and you get used to it when you do it a lot. So like you get used to it, not in that it feels better, but you wake up in the morning thinking, well, this is just how I feel. And I feel that way. Like if I drink a ton of non-alcoholic beer, if I drink or if I eat a ton of cake or a ton of pizza and I wake up the next morning, I have like a sugar hangover. I'm like, dude, I can't believe I used to feel like that every day for years. It's crazy. So it's bad for your body. Another thing is that, like I said, when I did this as a younger guy, I was single and the number one care thing I cared about was girls. And my biggest fear was that people, um, I wouldn't be able to get girls. Like they would think I'm weird. It's a crutch that allows me to be confident to talking to women. Um, and I, and up until getting sober, I don't think I'd ever like gone on a date with a girl sober or like had a first kiss sober. I, I don't think I've ever done any of that. Um, but the first time I did it, basically I got sober. I don't remember this exact timeline, but around like week 4, 5, or 6, I was like, I want to go meet someone because it was like, again, like I put glasses on and I was feeling reality and I was like, this is so weird what it feels like. And I was like, I wonder what it feels like to like have a first date. Let's try it. And I did. And then I like kissed this girl. I don't remember if it was the first date or second date, whatever. And I was like, oh my God, I'm on top of the world. I overcame this. I completely did it. And that felt amazing. And also when I admitted that I was sober and because I had a problem, not only did people not like the— I think some people did push me away, but I didn't know it because they didn't wanna be around me because I was sober and they liked to party. But the people who I went out with, like some guy friends who I went, went out with and on, and dating, when I told them my issues, they were attracted to me way more. I don't like, I'm not here to talk about if it's some like, oh, like, Girls like guys who are like broken and they wanna fix 'em. Like, you know, there's that joke. I don't know what the truth is, but I know that when I confidently said, um, I don't drink because I have issues, but you're welcome to drink and, and, and I'm still gonna have a ton of fun tonight. Um, women loved that. I think it was a confidence thing. I don't know what it was, but people, even strangers were drawn to me way more. Another thing was that having, like I've said all the positive stuff, but I will say Having fun when sober, I think can be a lot harder. So like the nighttime fun that a lot of you guys have, I don't really have that. And it's, yeah, it's more boring. I think it's more boring, but I'm happier because of it. Um, and sober life maybe is less fun than drunk life, probably. Um, like I wish my wife, I've never drank with her cause I met her one year after I got sober. It would be fun to go out and just get sloppy drunk and do silly stuff and then come home. I mean, that'd be awesome. Like, it would bring us together. The best part is, though, I don't fight. Imagine having like fist fight, but also like with your spouse or with your girlfriend or your friends, like where you say something stupid. I know. I mean, I still say a lot of stuff stupid, but it doesn't come from a drunk place. That's awesome. But having fun is harder. It is. Awesome when you can figure it out and when I can go out and have fun and be sober and remember it all. But it's definitely harder. What I typically do when I go out to bars is, or if I go out to somewhere that involves drinking and I wanna make my friends feel comfortable, or even if I just wanna have fun, I'll, if you go to the bar and this is for anyone, we can talk about this 'cause a lot of people don't realize this. If you go to the bar and you say you want to, let's say you're with friends, hey, you got any, you got any NA beer? That means non-alcoholic. And all bartenders, a lot of bartenders will know that you're trying to low-key not drink and you say, give me an N.A., you know, any N.A. And that means non-alcoholic. Usually every bar has at least one style and you can't say like, oh, I want this brand or that brand because they usually only have one. So you just get, give me an N.A. And I always make them bring them to me in a bottle. I want to see them open it and then I'll let them pour it in a glass and that way I'll have what looks like a beer so my friends can feel comfortable. Or if they don't have an N.A., I'll do a Sprite with a lime. Um, and, um, when I'm in a bar or bar setting and I smell the beer and my friends are getting drunk and I'm drinking non-alcoholic beer, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm a little buzzed, so I can have a similar amount of fun, but it's definitely not the same. So I don't wanna like, you know, sugarcoat that. Um, I will say that intense realism is something that I describe being sober. So like, you got this cloud when you're drinking and I can— and you drink to, um, I remember I had a friend die and I would drink, um, at the funeral. So I didn't really feel that sadness that I was supposed to feel. Um, at weddings, I don't feel like the happiness or, you know, the whatever you feel at weddings or, um, meeting someone that you wanted to go out and date with and you had a crush. Like, are you really just drunk and horny or you actually like them? Um, breaking up with someone and feeling like that pain. I broke up with a lot of people drunk, and I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it was, it was— I was kind of a pussy, to be honest. I would do these challenging things drunk, and I wasn't facing it like a man, and I just didn't get to experience that. So basically, like, I didn't develop a lot of skills that I think a grown man needs to have, and I had to develop those a little bit later in life. Basically, like, from age— like, I consider my ages of like 20 to 24, like they just didn't exist. And even though I'm like 31 now, I'm actually like a, you know, 27-year-old or something. But I didn't experience those things. And once I got sober and I got confident in my decision to be sober, I actually sought out those challenging conversations and it made me feel alive. It made me feel like this is what I've been missing. This is awesome. And I felt like it was also a game. I'm like, oh, normally I'd be afraid to do this. Now I'm going to do it right away. I'm going to do it. I'm going to approach it straight on. And I'm gonna do it just to prove that I can and I wanna feel alive. And it feels like a, a big rush to me now when I do some of these things and I like it in a weird way. The last couple things is, um, I control my emotions far better than before. Drunk people do dumb stuff. You get in fights that you don't really wanna be getting in. You say shit you don't mean. I still act impulsive sometimes and I still say a lot of stuff I don't really mean., but it's way less. And last, I save so much money. It's crazy. And I spend a lot of it now probably on, on food and experiences. But like, think about this, like in a big city, you'll spend $400 on a weekend, you know, $100 Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I mean, that's maybe like $50 at a bar, $60, uh, at a bar, $30 eating food afterwards. Like you spend a lot of money. And then like me, if you were crazy, you're drinking $30 a day anyway. That's something like $26,000 a year over 7 years. I think it's been 7 or 8 for me, but that's like $200,000. I mean, that's a lot of money. So that's my story with alcohol. I wanna answer a couple of questions 'cause people were asking me some questions. And if you go to the YouTube page, just Google Sam Parr alcohol, you'll see this page if you're listening on, on the podcast. And I'll answer some questions. I tweeted out that I was gonna do this. My handle's @thesamparr. So I'll read out some of the things that people ask. The first is, how do you handle social gatherings when everyone's drinking? What benefits have you seen outside of the health side? So when I go to a bar, I ask for an NA. That means non-alcoholic beer, and bartenders typically know that means that you're sober, or I'll do a Sprite in line. So with health, I'm way less bloated. My joints don't hurt. Now, I don't drink. I also take testosterone replacement therapy, which is a whole nother podcast and video, which I like. But I feel like a professional athlete. I don't really get tired right now. I feel great. I sleep good. I sleep 8 hours a night. I don't really have— I feel awesome. I mean, I just, I feel alive. I feel like a pro athlete. How can you be supportive of folks who know you're trying to stop? Especially wait, how to, how to be supportive of folks who, you know? Okay. Got it. So if you know someone who's trying to stop, how do you be supportive? Well, my perspective is at first I didn't really want people to bring it up too much. Now I'm okay if people tease me and that kind of normalizes it. So I like being teased a little bit. Um, but I also like when people confront me head on and act normal. So like, for example, um, hey, we're going to go get beers. Um, if that's, if you're comfortable with that, come on. If you're not, why don't we catch up with you afterwards? Like just like saying things like that, I'm cool with. Um, I also don't like though, if someone like doesn't like changes their behavior to accommodate me, I fucking hate that. I can't stand that. Um, that makes me feel guilty. So if someone says like, oh, we're not gonna drink because of you, I'm like, no, get drunk. In fact, I even encourage my wife and friends to get drunk sometimes because I'm like, you guys go wild, let's have fun. Like, uh, cause I wanna live through them a little bit. So if my opinion, um, is be normal and confront everything normally, and just, you can acknowledge things. Um, when my friends like ever want to do drugs, if they're like at a party and they want to do drugs, I leave. They say, hey, we're going to get wild, just so you know, and they know I'm going to go home. I don't like being around that, but I don't— I'm cool if they like to do it. Are there occasions where you miss it? Someone asked 100%. Yep. I miss bonding with my coworkers and friends. I definitely miss it. I don't miss it enough to do it, and I don't miss it enough that I regret it, but I miss getting in trouble a little bit. I miss feeling like a rock star. It is kind of fun to like go party and be crazy at a bar and have people over and have a fun rager and wake up and not know what happens. I mean, I found that to be adventurous and exciting and fun. I don't miss it enough that I want to do it. But I do miss it on occasion. What all, what coping mechanisms for certain stress do you, do you use? Food. So when I have a bad day, I, I allow myself to pick out and eat a whole pizza. Some will say, don't do that. You're creating bad habits. I don't care. I overcame one bad habit that was life or death. I exercise now, got a six-pack. I'm gonna pick out sometimes when I feel horrible. Because I can go and run or lift weights or row or something to burn those calories. And I'd rather be fat and alive than dead. And, you know, you get the idea. So I do a lot of food for coping mechanisms. Instead of getting mad, though, I typically like to look at it as a game. Like, what's the desired outcome that I want from this conversation? Because a lot of my, like, stress comes from, like, other people. What can I try to, like, game, the system to get what I want. You know, how can I— what emotions is this person trying to tell me? What are their needs? How can I meet their needs so I can eventually get what I want? I look at it like a game and it can be kind of fun for me. How can we overcome, uh, oh, someone asked basically like, I want to look cool and I'm afraid if I don't drink I won't look cool. Um, I answered that before. You know what's cool is like confidence. Confidence is cool, men and women, like confident men. And it's also, if you really wanna milk this, which I think you should, if it makes you feel better, tell people you're messed up and you have substance abuse problems. Brag about the stories, not brag, but tell the war stories. Tell the demons that you've overcame. Captivate them, get their attention, use it to your advantage. I don't see why not. How do you switch off, unwind? Can it be boring? Yep, definitely can be boring. Instead, I love to like get huge muscles and then I love to do like cutting. I'm in like a cutting phase now, but then I love— so I love exercising, so I like challenges. So I do like an Ironman and that'll be my challenge. I'll do like a bulking phase. I'll try to get really muscular, at least for me, and then I'll cut it. And I think that stuff's cool. So that's, that's like what I do. So I'm not bored and I work a lot. And I also have fun with my friends. I encourage them to drink sometimes, but I really don't go to bars. I pretty much don't ever go out at night except for like movies and out to eat. Would you recommend someone going cold turkey if they drink in moderation? Yeah, I guess that's a, that's an impossible question for me to answer though. Last couple questions. How do you frame it for folks who ask why you don't drink and how do you frame it to yourself? So when people ask me why I don't drink, my answer is, ah, just doesn't mix well with me. If they ask again, I say, well, I'm an alcoholic. Uh, and I smile so they know that like it's true, but they, if they wanna keep talking about it, I will and we can be comfortable about it. And sometimes they'll say, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, no, you didn't do anything wrong. It's cool. You wanna talk about it? I just, I have issues, so I just choose not to do it. Um, and that bluntness I think makes everyone comfortable, to be honest. Um, Someone asked if I have felt like getting drunk in recent years. No, like something weird happened. You know, like when you eat too much food, like eat too much cauliflower as a kid and like you want to puke if you smell that and you just like can't stand cauliflower. That's kind of how I feel about alcohol. I don't crave it, but if I— but I do crave the sugars and I eat tons of cake and tons of candy. What do you— what advice would you give to your younger self to overcome the drinking? Girls will think you're cooler because you're sober. And you'll be bolder, not weaker, if you're sober. And last questions: where are the benefits of not drinking over have an occasional drink or two? I don't have self-control. One or two is not an option. It's either all or nothing. So that's the episode. Thank you for following along. You can subscribe to our podcast, My First Million. Click that subscribe button. Maybe you'll see another— we'll do another one like this if you want. My Twitter handle is @TheSamPar. Just comment, like send me a tweet or something and ask me a question. Or if you want to let me know if this episode was good or bad, I don't care. If it's bad, tell me. But I appreciate you listening. Hopefully this helped in some capacity. Um, but if you're listening and you are struggling with this, been there, done that. A lot of people, a lot of people who've had it way worse than me have definitely overcome it. You absolutely can too. Good luck. See you.